Girl With The BrOkEn Smile

9:30PM - This one is a must read!

As of, July 2, 2005 I am engaged to Mat!
~The day started off with a nice walk on the beach, Mat and I dressed up nice for dinner, (where he was SUPOSED to pop the question) after our walk we got into my car, (he drove) and headed back towards the hotel, on the way, it started to rain, mat started to swerve off the road and when he tried to get back on the road we started to spin in the middle of the road, and ended up flipping the car like 2 or 3 times, we ended up upside down in woods, TERRIFYING... so yea he totaled my car, but instead of being mad or upset i laughed... it was hilarious... so yea, we waited forever for a tow truck then got back on the road towards the hotel, on the way Mat asked me what I wanted to do for dinner, So of course I'm me, and I wanted spagetti o's, so when we got back to the hotel, i went into the bathroom to change and wash up a bit, and when i came out, Mat had rose petals, and candles lit... It was so perfect and romantic just like i wanted... then he told me to come over to him, and he got down on one knee with my 1/2 carat princess cut ring (GORGOUS) exactly what I wanted and proposed... then we went to wal-mart got our spagetti o's and had our extremely romantic spagetti o candle lit dinner, watching mad tv, "pimp my bride" It was by far the best day of my life...~

~He's leaving for Iraq in feb. so I think we are gonna settle on Dec. 5 2005 as our wedding date, got my dress all picked out too... it's beautiful... so that is my little update on my life~

Current mood: impressed/ecstatic

6:06PM - Comple-ment...

Wow, no one ever gets on this thing anymore... well an update on me...
I am now living in Wilmington with my aunt and cousin, missing Kris like crazy!
Getting into a shit load of trouble... Kris... this isn't the right decision... oopsy
Got back together with sunshine, then lost touch with him once again...
Now I might be getting back together with Mat... hehe that virginity thing isn't going to last through next weekend... hehehe
Getting rid of all the bad people in my life, all the people that hurt me over and over...
Missing my job and my co-workers...
Having an amazing time being single and getting what I want when I want...

The only people I am missin' is Kris (more than anything) and my family... every one else can kiss my ass

~Last night was unreal, Damn Kris those virgins ARE ready! ~CrAzY~

Current mood: shocked

8:22PM - I don't have a damn computer...

Current mood: bitchy

12:46AM - do be do be do...

So, yea, haven't written in a bit... I am now working at Kid's Quarters next to Ci Ci's pizza, it's really fun, and easy, our manager and the owners are super cool, they aren't those type of managers that ALWAYS make you act like your busy... (I hate that) Yea, today was our first day open, and we had very few customers... but it was an ok first day, we were not busy a lot of the time, so me, Franchesca, and the owner dave, just sat around talking and goofing off... But I can tell im really going to like this job, im getting paid 6.50 an hour, and we get bonuses for some stuff that we sell... so that should be good!

I have been busy with getting ready for work and now work to really spend time with anyone... I really miss Joey and Kris... AND KEVIN... he hasn't called in a week which completely blows, I have so much to tell him, but I realize he is busy... so I am just going to brush it off... I'm sure him and renada are back together... bUUUUmmer!

Betcha can't guess who this reminds me of :( how sad! I miss him somethin aweful!

[Usher intro:]

There's always that one person
That will always have your heart
You'll never see it coming
Cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo

[Alicia intro:]

I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
This is the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
This is the only way
We know how to rock

[Usher Verse:]

Do you remember girl
I was the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and
People screaming your name
Girl I was there when you were my baby

[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taking over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man in my life
You will always be my boo

[Alicia Verse:]

Yes I remember boy
Cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy
The moment I knew you were the one
I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame
And people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

~Damn and what do ya know, he JUST signed on... :(

 ~But anyways ya'll just had to update a bit... so later gators...

Current mood: lonely

4:54PM - "Are you scared of black people?"

Today has been extrememly interesting...

I am not feeling well at all, but I had to wake up today at 10 to go to an interview at 10:45 at kid's quarters... no fun... then i came home, and went back to bed, and at 3:30 my dad woke me up, with patty from kid's quarters on the phone, I have the job... I am pretty excited... so i called my mom, and i had to go get my license re-done, and when i went up there, i was getting ready to take my pic, and this guy was all like oooh your getting your license, i was like no, im renewing it... he was like oh, so you do you live around here, i told him yes, and he goes Fayetteville? wow... duh... then he talked to me about him going to college to be a barber... who cares... then the guy was ready to take my pic, and he was like awwww, smile pretty... ok? then when i was waiting he was mad staring at me... wow, i was not in the mood to get hit on... then i went to my car and i hear, hey... i look around and i don't see anyone, so i get in my car, then i hear, "are you scared of black people or something?" I looked over and i saw a black man in his car, and i said no, he goes well i said hey, so i said hey back and he was all like oh what'sup... bla bla bla... man I was a pimp today, then some guy was mad staring me down in my car, at a stop light... ewww... everyone leave me alone, i don't feel good! :(

So that has been my day so far, and now i have a killer headache so off to bed for me probably!

Current mood: sick

10:44PM - TeroSTypical... haha

I have spent the entire weekend with Kris and it has been wonderful... Thursday night we just sat around making her shirt and what not, talking about some stuff... Then Fri. we went and got our shoes for our costumes, and went out to the mall... nothing exciting... then joey came over for like 5 min. to give us hugs... he's grounded :(... then we went to babysit ava, it was so fun, except we stayed till like freakin 3:30 in the morning... we were so exhausted... it was mad crazy, Kelly had some mad drama going on... then sat. Joey came over... hehe, we all chilled for a bit... when the 3 of us are togther it is like we are in freakin movie i swear...

First we were sitting in the kitchen and joey poured pepper on me, so i poured pepper back on him and he then poured salt on me, and kris goes "don't get that everywhere" so of course he tries to sprinkle some on her, and THE LID COMES OFF... of course the salt goes EVERYWHERE! we laughed for like a good 5 min. it was so funny...

Then when we were all laying down cuddling joey all of the sudden let go off us, and i was like you let go of me, kris said he let go of her too, so he tries to pull us really close to him and he makes us smack our heads together! he was so embarressed it was wonderful... Then we called kevin he broke up with renada so i was hoping we were gonna chill, and brandon and daniel came over... ugh... me and daniel fought... then kevin finally called back at like 11:30 right when kris and i were going to bed, :( I don't know if he really broke up with her... I hope so though... Oh yea and last night we ordered 3 pizzas and 2 of them had like NO cheese on them :( it was so gross...

Then today, we woke up, cleaned, and went out for different shoes, i swear God is not on our side with this whole shoe ordeal! and we got extremely hungry and wanted thanksgiving dinner so we went and bought a chicken and some stuffing... it was so good! we also saw Mark Sides... mmmmm... he is such a cutie! haha, "let's go get something from your car" OK... then we went home, and ate... tried on our stuff still debating about the shoes, i think we will need the proffessional help of joey! hehe...

Missin' Joey somethin' awful! I love you! And were thinkin' about ya!

Current mood: Duh

9:45PM - FUCK OFF!

Boys amaze me... they are the most confusing creatures on earth... oh well... i just don't understand them...

I am so freakin tired of people being so DAMN IMMATURE...
I wish everyone would just grow the fuck up!
Picking petty fights over nothing, is so stupid, and pointless, i honestly don't know why someone still puts up with his shit... I'm not much of a people person obviously, but I will tolerate them... until they do something like this... We do nothing but bend over backwards for him and all he does is bitch... rides here and there, helping his brother, Her ACTUALLY putting up with him still... And all he does is fight, He doens't realize how good he has it with her... he says he does but then he goes off and fucks up again... I'm tired of it... and I'm tired of him... She is going through some tuff shit right now, and instead of being a good friend and helping her through it, he argues with her...

Whatever, at least she knows she has her 2 best friends who love her more than anything in the WHOLE world... I love her, and can't stand to see her hurting anymore... I'm so ready to just leave, pack up and get the hell away from here... 8 or 9 more months is WAY to long, there is nothing here for any of us, not me, not her, not him... I can't wait to start over, start a life with my 2 best friends, and forget about the petty immature people here... I will miss a few, and they know that, but there will always be weekends, and there graduation and moving to wilmington too... I'm so tired of us getting our hearts broken OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN... It's the same damn thing everytime, all 3 of us deserve so much better! We deserve to be happy! And happy we will be away from here...

So the point of this post is to say I hate immature petty people...
Stop trying to get so much fucking attention, cause frankly it is the WRONG kind of attention your getting...
And just GROW THE FUCK UP!

::smiles::

Current mood: aggravated

11:20PM

JOEY IS COMING HOME TONIGHT!
And apparently he is bearing gifts... oooooo ::excited:: hehe!

We really missed that boy, Fri. night Kris and I were super bored, so we called brandon, then we decided we didn't wanna chill with him, so we just stayed home being bored cause we didn't have our joey to chill with... :(

I had a blast today!
I got to go babysit, this little girl Ava, she only 8 months old, and she is absolutly precious...
I loved babysitting her... she was the best child EVER! Of course I came home with boogers, and food all over myself, but hey it was worth it... She is quite the conseded little child, she likes to stare at herself in the mirror! She is beautiful though... I went there at 2:30 and was supposed to be done babysitting between 5:30 and 6:30, but I got done at 8:00...

This morning Kris and I were supposed to go out running at 8:30 in the morning but, that didn't quite work out...
So when I went to her house tonight we ran... I am extremely out of shape...

Kris has this long john outfit, and she dared me to wear it out running i look 2 in it... it was funny, so i did... i only saw one guy walking so it wasn't TOO humiluating...

I always have the most amazing times with kris... last night, I was over at her house, and we watched mean girls, realized those girls were us, then we started to do break dancing, and randomly roll on the floor trying to do a summersolt, Kris... hahahaha, We can be just sitting there being so unbelievably wow stupid, and it is so much fun! I love we know how to entertain ourselves so well...

Welp off to daydream of pretty boys and sex toys, HAHAHA...
Hey it rhymed...

Current mood: amused

11:40PM - Got my car cocked!

I have been going through some pretty hard shit with my dad and all, but thanks to the help of my two bestest friends, and pink pauly of course, I have been able to get through them...

Today was so fun!

I went to Kris's, and Joey cocked my car back together... AND got my hood open to put oil in... HE'S SO STRONG, HE'S MY HERO!

My car is now hardcore ghettofied! I have some freakin space tape holding my mirror down! My car is now the space mobile!

Later after we were done cocking, off to Kris's bed, where to majic cuddling happens... hehe

I love how guys get boners so easily! It makes me laugh!

After Joey left :( Kris and I went to Pricila's in search for the perfect Playboy bunny costume... no luck everything was way too over priced...

Pricila's was definatly educational...
PURPLE VAGIINA?
18" PENIS?
SEX SWING?
PAUL, AND LOGAN'S PENIS'?

Wow, then we went to the mall, to look for some costumes there, met up with Brad, no such luck there either... oh well we will figure it out...

Brad preformed an excorcism on me... haha

Then we went to Food Lion, and Wal-mart, I think we have decided on our costumes... hehe... Can't wait... Chris Quick is going to make an amazing Hugh Hefner!

Then Kris and I bought 6 polka dotted mugs for only 25 cents! WOW!

That amazed me...

I always have the most amazing times with her!
Escpecially when Joey is around...
Our 1st month in Wilmington is going to consist of nothing but a whole lotta CUDDLING!

::Daydreames of Wilmington::

Current mood: cold

9:30PM - OVERWHELMED!

I am so freakin stressed out about my daddy, I love him to death, but dang this is absolutly crazy!

He will go in his room and go to sleep for HOURS... he slept today from like 3-7, I was so scared, cause he can't remember anything anymore... I am honestly terrified, I can't lose my daddy! I called my mom, and now everyone one is worried about him... I am so afraid one day I am going to go try to wake my daddy up and he will be dead... my mom offered to come over and check on him for me, cause she doesn't want me to be the one to find him dead... I am just to close to him... It would hurt so much worse! Now my mom is over here, comforting my dad! This is so weird, my parents DO NOT get along at all, but she is so freakin sweet to come over here and be with him and me!

She is making him, laugh, wow I haven't heard him laugh in a long time...

My dad won't go to work, and he just sleeps, my mom said he blacking out and that isn't a good sign... her dad my real grandpa died the same way when she was only 13 or something...

It's hard trying to talk to my dad about this stuff, because I know he will be dying soon, and he just keeps telling me he is going to live to be like 76, and I will be like 48, have grandkids, he doesn't want be he will love them anyways!

I know that is not the reality of this situation at all! It sucks, having to feel like I am the one that needs to take care of him, remember things like when his appointments are and be responsible for him getting to them on time!

The other day my cousin woke me up telling me my dad was saying he was going to kill himself, she was yelling at me telling me to stop crying, and to go out there and help... I feel so helpless I don't know how to help him...!

I am going to be so lost without him... and to top all of this off, my credit card bill is due AND my mom told me I have to come up with 102 dollars to pay for my insurance on my car this month cause she can't! Well damn there goes ALL of my money! :(

Oh well this is my life!

Current mood: overwhelmed

12:48AM - Paul-Freecin Sankey

Tonight well just today was absolutly GREAT!

Joey, Kris, and I all hung out today and of course like always we had a BLAST!

We pretty much just did the usual joey, kris, and ash things to do, like just sit around talking about how hot Chris Quick is, and how much we want to kiss joey (which of course turns into having a threesome with him) hehe, and of course then us just cuddling in kris's room...

Kris and I always just give Joey the after sex cuddling, without the sex... oopsy...

It's great though, I have really missed that and him...

Now we are ALL moving to wilmington... Me, Kris, AND, JOEY!

I am so excited, Joey already has the silverware, and we have the cups, bowls, and plates! WE ARE ALL SET! Well we still just need that knife set thingy, then we will be set!

Freakin Paul Sankey is coming tomorrow...

Kris and I have planned for me and him to go eat lunch with her Fri.
I am going to be her step-sister and Paul is going to be Paul-Freecin Sankey, her cousin... hehe! This should be fun!

Looks like me and Paul are stuck chillin together without Kris fri. while she is at school! BUMMER! haha JK! I can't wait...

Hopefully Joey will let us include him in the festivities while Paul is down!

I have been in quite a weird mood tonight, I have realized I talk ALOT and really fast!

Sorry guys!

Current mood: weird

10:15PM - Losing EVERYONE

I feel as if I am losing everyone in my life...
I'm losing my dad,
I have lost my best friend of 10 years,
I'm losing a really good friend (Kevin)
And I feel like I am losing my BEST friend...

Not being able to talk to your best friend for a while can take it's toll on you... or at least I know it has taken it's toll on me, there are just so many things I want to get out, so many things I need to talk about... I guess not talking to Kris has been a good thing some how casue I have gotten a lot closer to my sister and confided in her a bit... But I still miss her... and NEED her... I have had to hold so much in and pretend to be so ok, I just needed to let everything out to someone that I know won't judge me and that will listen to what i have to say and try to help... Lately I have just felt like I can't take it anymore and I just need to cry, but i hold it all in... Then sometimes I just start to cry and I don't want to, i can't help it though, half of the time I don't even know why I am crying... hmm... oh well life goes on and I will see brighter days, these kinds of obstacles are what defines a person, and makes them stronger... I know I will manage and get through them... I always do!

Current mood: sad

6:12PM - so stressed out

I think my dad is drinking again...

Me and my mom both do...

I am so freakin bummed, I know it is too late, even if he does stop drinking now, it isn't going to help out at all, but at least if he does he will have the rest of this time being sober, and maybe it will give him a little longer...

We think he is hiding his beer in his room...
Oh well, it's his life... if he wants to continue to commit slow sucide then whatever, no one can stop him...

I just don't know what i am going to do when he dies!
He is my life... I won't be able to live without my daddy!
What can I say I'm definatly daddy's little girl!

Having no one to turn to for comfort has definatly been hard too!

I miss so much just having someone there for me no matter what, someone that won't let anything come before me...

My dad's drinking is definatly one of the main reasons i don't drink and i don't want a guy who drinks...

Wow this sucks I feel like my life is falling apart slowly but surely...

I feel like I'm falling apart...
I need someone to put me back together...
I need someone to complete me again...

Current mood: scared

4:06PM - life is hard, when things go wrong, pick yourself up and try again... NEVER GIVE UP!

Today was the worst!

I made 33 dollars in tips, but i don't exactly have a job anymore...
I was just training, and they told me i wasn't cut out for that job...
I'm really bummed...

I was worried sick about my dad all day!
He's going to a meeting in an hour... so hopefully things go well...

Tonight I am really hoping me and kevin will hang out, i really really need some cheering up!

Current mood: crappy

4:58PM - Waitressing ROCKS!

Yesterday at work I got 34 dollars in tips...
Today at work I got 45 dollars in tips!
Needless to say I am pretty happy with this job!

Last night, I talked to kevin, were chillin' this weekend...
He confuses me cause I tell him about what happened with darick and all he says is well he doesn't know what he is missing out on...
Kevin's missing out too... I like kevin... ALOT... but he won't break up with his gf that he can't stand to be with me, so really he is missing out too!

I got a Random call from brandon last night, I haven't talked to him in forever! not since before i went to wilmington... we are prob. chillin' this weekend too!

It was great to talk to him again...

Prom:
Ok, well I'm gonna try to make someone take me to prom at Jack Britt, prob. gonna just make Kris take me...
BUT if you don't have a date by prom, I will go with anyone.. hehe, I love prom, I wanna go back to so bad...
Then I want to got to the Hoke prom too, so I am either gonna go with Brandon, (he already told me he would take me) or Randy!
And if I find anyone else to take me to a prom, I'm gonna so be there!

I'm such a dork!

MY DAD IS QUITTING DRINKING!
~He told me last night, and he is going to start tomorrow!~
~But they said that the 1st 72 hours after someone quits that was an alcoholic they could die!~
~So I am PARINOID!~
~Don't want my daddy to die!~
~So everyone who prays, keep my daddy in your prayers please!~

~THAT'S ALL FOR NOW FOLKS!~

Current mood: sleepy

11:10PM - Hey look, my pants are down!

I love myself!

~Today I got to actually go out and wait on tables, it was really fun, except I almost spilled a salad on this one ladies lap... oopsy, i will get better... made 11 dollars in tips, not bad for a beginner and i only did a few tables...~

~Got some pics back, they are great...
My comp. sucks and i can't put them on here...
But there is one of my ridin' the cock,
A bear trying to grab me and kris' ass,
Paul laying on darick... it's so funny, you see his leg, and arm.. THAT'S ALL! It's like a where's waldo thing...~

My mom came to my work today it was so embarrissing cause she was being my mom...

Paul is coming next friday, I'm pretty excited, he like so totally freakin awesome!

Kris and I are gonna have to take him out to a club!
Last time we took his clubbin virginity! hehe...

~Welp I'm off to cry a bit, haven't done that yet today, it's time...!
Besides now I have something to cry about!~

Current mood: accomplished

8:02PM

MY MOM'S BF JUST PROPOSED TO HER THIS MORNING FOR HER B-DAY! :)

Welp, yesterday was quite the eventful day...
I went to kevin's at 12 am, and stayed till 6 am!
I finally got to meet Daniel!
He's wonderful!
He reminded me of Logan so much, it was crazy!

But the night started off by us watching the last of serial mom, then we went to wal-mart and walffle house...
Daniel was so cute, he was totally crushin on the waitress!
Then back to Kevin's and we watched jeepers creepers 2 which wasn't any fun considering I haven't seen jeepers creepers, so i was completely confused the entire time!

I didn't get a chance to watch it too much between me and Daniel talking about off the wall stuff, and him asking kevin if his hands (kevins) were in his pocket(kevins) which they weren't hehe ::mischevious grin::

the entire night I was a huge pimp... I had Daniel sleeping on my boobs, then lap, and Kevin cuddling up with me on my other side!

It was a fun night, didn't think me and kevin would ever really do anything but flirt, until last night...

~Apparently Paul is coming here at the end of the month, which is so awesome, cause he's awesome! and im under the impression Darick might be coming too... Don't really know why, after what happened between us last time... who knows, what will go down, hopefully nothing but a whole lotta fun, and no more nonsense! Can't wait to see paul, and maybe darick!~

I'm going to have a step dad, WEIRD!
I'm absolutly terrified to tell my dad, I know he is going to cry! :(

Current mood: mischievous

4:06PM - Got that phone call!

I got a call from Roma's today AND I start training Mon.! I am so excited this is going to rock! She must have really liked me cause I just had the interview yesterday! and she called me TODAY! YAY! So now I need to go study my menu!

Current mood: cheerful

10:08PM - SUPER EXCITED!

So I had my interview today, I would say it went really well!

She told me she would prob. call me next week to begin training, if i get the job, and she gave me menu to start to memorize... so that is a really good sign!

My hours would absolutly rock if i got that job, i would get 2.80 an hour, plus tips, so i would prob. be making around 15 dollars an hour, cause i would have 8 tables at a time! and the customers are really generous!

They are not open on weekends, so my weekends are FREE and they are open 10 am to 10 pm, i would work either 10 am to 3 pm or 10 am to 5 pm or sometimes even open to close which would be AWESOME!

THIS JOB WILL ROCK!

I am so excited!

Kris, hun I miss you, we need to chill so freakin soon, im goin crazy without ya! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Current mood: naughty (hehe)

7:33PM - great moods never stay except today!

Today I went out looking for jobs, i applied at a prime time thing, which would be so fun to work at cause i would get to work with kids... and at Roma's pizza...

I have a job interview at Roma's pizza tomorrow at 3! so hopefully i get that job, that would be awesome i would be waitressing! fun fun!

Then my dad came home told me to help him with something in the car, i thought it was gonna be groceries, and he handed me a HUGE box, that was really light, i didn't even think about what was in it... the box said tolit tank? i was kinda confused about why he had boughten a tolit tank... but then i heard a meow, and he got me a kitty! I AM SO HAPPY!

~This day just keeps getting better and better!~
~Hopefully the smiles keep coming~

::fingers crossed::

Current mood: ecstatic